How to say, ‘not gay’
What is the term for men who are single and over 30? While there is no particular description, most of them have been called gay some time or the other. Such a situation can get very difficult to handle. Especially when overtly gay men believe the murmurs and get aggressive.
“Sweetie, I hope you love my new shirt,” a man had whispered into a straight friend’s ears recently. Since the shirt had broad golden and green stripes, it wasn’t exactly easy to appreciate. While the friend murmured “nice” reluctantly, he sensed the man’s thumb crawl up his neck. Incensed, he asked, “What are you up to, man?” Not at all ruffled, the guy replied, “It is your suppressed sensuality coming to the fore. It is a silent mating call.”
This is among the more bearable situations. Things can get far worse. While dancing with a senior colleague’s wife at a party, this writer was stupefied when the lady whispered, “Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Fine.”
“Are you gay?” she asked. Without waiting for an answer, she said, “See, if you are gay, there is nothing wrong with it. I have so many gay friends, and they are among the finest men I’ve ever come across, really compassionate, intelligent…”
It is common for the parents of senior bachelors to desperately seek a marital alliance so that their sons are not mistaken for homosexuals. Recently, a former colleague said, “Mom was pleading that I should marry the girl of her choice before people think there is something wrong with my sexuality.” Did he tell his mother that the very thought was absurd? “Yes I did, but she insists that while she is not stupid, society will assume things,” he mumbled, before thinking aloud, “It seems my mom is getting strange ideas. She had that rather weird son-are-you-gay kind of look in her eyes.”
Some single men are gay and at ease with their sexuality. But most single men are unreasonably forced to explain why they are not married or in a relationship. Is it hard to understand that some men cannot be in a relationship for too long? Is it hard to understand that some men take huge professional chances which may not be possible once they marry and have children? Is it hard to understand that some men are simply scared, having seen marriages crumble all around them? And, is it so hard to understand that a man has not found his ideal woman yet?
The society has invented countless terms to describe different types of men-retrosexual, metrosexual, ubersexual and God knows what else. But it will be useful if someone coins a word that describes a man who is single, over 30, and not gay. Divorced, comes close.
Source: timesofindia.indiatimes.com